It was the same cycle. I would crawl out of bed, make sure the girls were off to school after a home-cooked breakfast, with their lunches in tow. I would climb back in and cry….for hours. Up an hour before they were due to come home, I’d shower, start dinner, and be ever present. Once they went to bed, I would lie awake most of the night with my mind racing. And then, it would start all over again in the morning. No one was the wiser.
On March 23, 2015 I was still in bed crying. My depression had taken hold of me. I’ve wrestled with bouts of mild depression since I was in college, so I was no stranger to this despair. I was struggling for the third week in a row.
Let me take you back. In August of 2014, my mom died of breast cancer. Three weeks later, I went on a trip to Mexico. I came home from vacation and decided I wanted to learn to swim, to train for a sprint triathlon (I’ve run marathons, and thought I could take it up a notch). It was full steam ahead. The holidays came and went, and in February I went on a work trip (where I met Kia!). Back from Gatlinburg, and meeting my new BFF, I started training again. And then, plantar fasciitis happened. It was debilitating and I was forced to sit still…and grieve. Until then, I had never taken the time to mourn the loss of my mom. She was my confidant, cheerleader and protector. Knowing I was without her was devastating, and I avoided thinking about it at all costs. People, I was functioning at the most basic levels. That was the best I could do.
Back to March 23rd… I was in bed crying, and I remembered a conversation I’d had months prior with a friend that suggested I try crossfit. It seemed challenging and a bit crazy, which is exactly the kind of workouts I love. I googled “crossfit in Virginia Beach” and the first location popped up – Crossfit Virginia Beach (CFVB). I called and spoke with Thomi, the owner of the gym. Almost immediately I felt a connection with her. I told her about my training, my injury, and for some unknown reason, I told her about my mom. She too had lost her mom recently and understood how completely wrecked I was. We talked for 40 minutes. She assured me I’d feel better if I came in. She made me promise to be there on the 25th. I went. I’ve been going ever since.
Crossfit offered me a place to take care of myself. It forced me to get out of bed and out of the house. There are people that look for me, and will call when I don’t show up. I’m surrounded by people who support me and won’t accept me being mediocre. Fighting through my periods of depression is difficult because I isolate myself, but I truly don’t want to be alone. I’m never alone there. The side effect to my love of crossfit is the tenacity and new found belief in me. You guys, I’m a badass! Seriously.